There's no place like home.
Is there anything more comforting than home? No. But it always amazes me how there are so many people who don't know what makes a house a home. I often cringe when I hear people say, "You have a beautiful home" because all they see is the house.So what is a home? Is it the sticks and stones formed into a large box? What about the big TV, the fancy furniture, or the pretty pictures on the wall? I don't think so. These things are stuff, makeup if you will, to hide bare walls and floors of a house. To me, home is where you feel safe. Where you feel loved. It is the one place that despite your faults, failures, successes, moods, or inadequacies, you can be you. It is the heart of you and those closest to you. A home is love.
When I turned 18 and moved away from home, I was told that it was no longer my home. I didn't understand. I have always felt that 'home was where your heart was'. I was moving into an apartment for growth as an adult, but never wanted to have my home torn from me. That simple, final comment became a foundation for me and my family. I have always tried to make a home for my family. Not just a nice house.
I realized what an impact that event was on my life several years ago. My father was criticizing my oldest son. My boys still come home and rummage through the kitchen for something to eat. My father told my son that he had no right to disrespect me that way. It was no longer his home, but his mother's home. I looked at my dad and said, "As long as this is my home, it is my children's home". My mother questioned me and said I never felt comfortable treating her house that way. I just told her, "Because you said it was no longer my home. I was just a guest in your home."
Our home was safe, happy, and full of love. My children will never be "guests" in my home. (Although some times I wish that they would remember that they are over 13.) And now most of my children have grown up, started their own families and homes. I have helped them pack and move into their own houses. And there, they can start new traditions and make homes for their families. But no matter what, everyone of them know that wherever Mom is, will always be their home.
They know that they can always come home.
Ugh I had this argument with my sons DNA donor who told him that my home wasn't his home. How dare he tell my son that is not his home! I was furious to say the least.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful story about the subject of Home. Everyone has their own views on what home is. Some think that it's wherever you lay your head at night, whether that is in a house or apartment, someone else's home, a hotel, etc.
ReplyDeleteI hope that I find a place that I can truly call home in every sense of the word. To me, home is a comfortable place and a safe place where one can relax and find peace, especially on days where the outside world is chaotic and on other days when life seems so cruel.
Unfortunately, I don't really consider any of the apartments or houses that I've lived in to be home. Many of these places were quite uncomfortable on one lever or another.
As far as parenting, I think that some parents who say that their home is no longer the child's home once the child leave are just being difficult while other parents may say the same thing but they may have a point or purpose for their position. Some parents believe that separating their home from their child's home is teaching more responsibility and boundaries to their adult children and I can understand that.
I believe that once a child is an adult and out of the house, he or she should respect their parents' home and not become a burden. I believe that when parent's raise their children into adulthood, then the children should understand that the parents now deserve time to themselves in their own home without being bombarded with their kids all of the time.
You seem like a wonderful, nurturing mother and your children are lucky to have the parents that they do. This post kind of reminds me of one of my aunts. She is a very sweet and nurturing person, so it seems like everyone is welcome at her house and she makes her house feel like home to family and friends. Maybe you're one of those great nurturers. I'm not at all, lol.
I believe that parents deserve a space of their own at some point in time, after all of the hard world and energy that they have given their children, they (parents in general) deserve something.
I would likely be nurturing to a child while he or she is a child but that nurturing would stop once they were over 21 or well into adulthood, like 35 or something. I'm not going to be cleaning up after no grown child.
Adult children visiting their parents' home is fine but I do not agree with adult children living with their parents forever or for long periods of time, unless the child is disabled or experiences hardship like a divorce or illness or job loss or disaster that damages their own home.
If I ever have children, I do not want them to continue to live with me once they are adults and out of college. There comes a time when parents need to be able to relax without catering to their childrens' every need. That's why I hope I can find a husband who will be able to make sure that the kids won't take over our home once they become adults.
Adult children need to learn how to live on their own and make their own home and memories. That is how family legacies and traditions and rich histories are able to flourish....by each member of the family adding their own contribution to creating an entire lineage of homes.
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