V is for Void

Today's post is more of a challenge. How do you fill a void in your life? Everyone has a different tool that they use. Some fill their voids with destructive behavior while others use intelligent stimulation to fill their voids.

It got me thinking. I used to fill the void with useless computer games. But seriously! How fulfilling is planting another corn stalk on a fake farm? I try to fill my time with more constructive projects. I now subject you, my readers, to my personal insight. HaHa!!

No really. There is a void in a mom's life when her children grow and leave the nest. This void leads to a rediscovery of who she is as a person. That is what I have been doing with my "void". I find that blogging has made me more aware of who I am as an individual person. It has also brought me back to some of my favorite hobbies. Reading, Photography, and Crafting.

How do you fill your void? Let me know!

W is for WHAT was I Thinking?

WOW!

Only 1 week into this new challenge and I am already behind! Time to play catch up! :o)

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!

I am not a morbid woman nor do I wish any one harm. But my heart is rejoicing over the news that Bin Laden is dead. The evil that came from pure hatred has devastated so many lives. There is finally some closure for so many.

But I believe we should watch our backs. We should offer more prayers and support for our troops. The next couple of months could get really ugly. We have hurt them. We have taken their symbol. They will want revenge. Let us all be on watch so that we are prepared.

Y is for Youth

Youth.

Are we talking about our own days gone by? Or are we talking about the younger generation? They are equally important.

Do you remember when we were younger? Nothing could stand in our way. We were invinsible. We were reckless and impulsive. The future would happen later.

Fast forward 30 years. We let everything stand in our way from money, health and time. We sadly recognize our own mortality. We think and plan till we take the fun out of everything. Our future is here and now. Why do so many of us give up our youth because we aren't 20 anymore?

I hear so many people say, I'm too old for that or that is for the younger generation. Why? I am a firm believer that age is a number, not a state of mind. I am fast approaching 50. Am I dreading it? Heck no...it beats the alternative! Do I want to relive my youth? Absolutely not. But I don't want my mind to grow old. Sure activities and interests change over the course of one's life. But why not have a passion for what ever you enjoy. You did 30 years ago!

Here is my challenge to everyone out there in the blog-o-sphere. Do something you enjoyed when you were younger. It doesn't matter what. It could be dancing, swinging at the park, playing hoops, reading,... It can be something as simple as skipping down the sidewalk. Just do it! You will be amazed at the transformation in your mind.

U is for Unheard

Do you ever feel like you are talking to yourself in a room full of people?

Do you ever say to yourself,"I thought about doing that"?

Do you ever feel unheard?

I believe that many of us do not listen. I find myself in many situations, where a conclusion is based on something other than what I have said. It is a lonely feeling to process and put out a thought or feeling only to know that it fell on deaf ears. As people, we are allowed to change our minds and we are allowed to have opinions that differ from those closest in our lives without changing our value. Everyone has a right to be heard.

I often wonder, do you or have you ever listened to what is being said? Do you ever stop and think that this is a human voice in real time with real time thoughts and feelings, not just a sound byte that you play over and over again. Do you ever hear?

Take a moment and really listen to those around you. When a person goes unheard long enough, they cease to have anything to say.

R is for Resolution

Resolutions are promises we make to ourselves to be better, happier people. We all make them and break them. New Year's resolutions seem to be the most prominent, but we make worth while resolutions every day.

We all make the standard resolutions...Lose weight, stop smoking, exercise, quit drinking, etc. But do we make these for ourselves or because we think that it is expected of us?

I resolve to be a better me. I am going to take the time to make myself happy. I found a post on Facebook and added it to my status a few weeks ago...

A wise woman once said . . . There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right; pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life; getting back up is living.

True words. The time as come. I am taking back my life!

G is for Grandkids

"If I had known grandchildren were so much fun, I would have had them first"

Who ever wrote that wasn't kidding. It is so true. So G is for Grandkids. I have 6 wonderful grandkids and shhh I found out this weekend another is on the way! Right now there are 3 girls and 3 boys. The new one is the tie breaker.

My oldest grandson, Malachi will be 6. My oldest son and his mommy have gone their separate ways and mommy married another. They have a son, Elijah, who will be 3. (They are also the family harboring the tie breaker!) As it happens, blood or not, I consider them family and Elijah my grandson. There is such a joy in watching the 2 of these boys together. Malachi is a bundle of raw energy. (Just like his dad.)Elijah is quiet and reserved. They exhaust me, but I couldn't be happier.I wish I saw them more often.

My middle boy has 2 kids, Ethan who is almost 5 and Ireland who is 3. They are Grandma's toe heads. I am able to see them more often, but they live 2 hours away so it's not as often as I would like. Ethan is my budding photographer. And Grandma's little sidekick. He loves to do anything. Ireland is a precosious young lady. She is 3 going on 30 and the most stubborn little girl I know. She has my grandmother's piercing blue eyes. Nothing warms the heart more than opening the door and hearing in exhuberant unison, "GRANDMA!" when we visit each other.

My youngest son was blessed with 2 girls. Alexis will be 4 and Zooey is 7 months old. I am 'Mawka' to them. Mawka was what we called my great grandmother when she was alive. Being called this makes me so proud. I like carrying on this old tradition to a generation who never knew her. I get to spend lots of time with the girls, they only live a mile from me. Alexis has the advantage of doing lots of cooking and crafts with Mawka. And the subject of lots of blog pictures. Zooey is developing her personality. But that warm heart thing happens when she smiles at me. She always has a smile for Mawka.

My grand kids keep me young. I love hanging out with them. Right now I am planning birthday parties...Tangled, Ghost Busters, and Indiana Jones. They definately aren't boring kids!

F is for family

My Family in 2006

My computer was down, so I am a little behind on my A-Z challenge. Thursday's letter was F. Of course this is a no brainer...F is for family. Good or bad these are the people who are predominate in your life for ever more. And, like everyone else, I have both branches.

My Birth Family in 1981 or 1982

Take the bad, please! Ok bad joke. My birth family consisted of 7 of us. Mom, Dad, 3 girls and 2 boys. I am the oldest of the kids. Growing up, I was always closer to my brother Michael. We were 15 months apart and looked a lot alike. We were best friends growing up and even as adults. He died before his 25th birthday and it devastated me. But I used his death as a learning experience for my kids to not do drugs. It was a very successful way to turn a negative into a positive. As an adult, I became very close to my sister Jo, who was 5 years younger than I. As kids, we were at different stages so we weren't that close. Until she was diagnosed with Diabetes at 13 years of age. By this time I was living on my own, but always felt very protective of her. Our bond lasted until she died 3 1/2 months ago of heart failure. Another devastation.

Michael and I in 1982

Jo and I in 2006

My parents are still alive, as is 1 brother and 1 sister. I have no contact with any of them. That is the bad. Family is so important to me and it hurts beyond belief that I can't be close to them. And I don't even know why. This was not my choice. Over the years, I have tried to form positive bonds with my family, but without success. I have gone trough the 'what is wrong with me' stages. My middle son helped me deal with this struggle just 2 weeks ago. He told me that it wasn't me, they were just stupid. He has seen me struggle for a family relationship for so many years and told me that I needed to let it go. Thank you, son.

But the good, I have found so many cousins and Aunts and Uncles through my genealogy project. I have been working on a family reunion and trying to strengthen those bonds. There are so many people out there with whom I share blood. These are good people. People I was never given the opportunity to know as a child. I am getting to know them now. And it is good. It helps relieve the pain of being estranged from my birth family.

The best! My kids! I gave an insight to my daughter last week. I will introduce my children in detail as this challenge unfolds. They are my life. Was I the best mom? Probably not. But I can look in the mirror and say I did my best. They are all wonderful young adults and they always know I love them. And they love me back. I look at my kids and know that they will never feel the heartbreak of abandonment like I have with my own family. My family rocks!

My Kids 2007

E is for Expectations

Today my post might be a little down. I think of expectations. What is too much too expect? And if we let our expectations waiver, are we being true to ourselves?

These are the hard questions facing me today. I look back on my life and wonder, have I had higher than average expectations on those closest to me? Have I full filled expectations that others have had on me? Or that I have placed on myself. Maybe. Maybe not. But these are good questions to ponder.

I am sorry this is a short post. But this calls for some serious reflection. And honestly, I don't know these answers. At one time I did. I am not so sure anymore. I'll let you know when I do.